Helplessly Lost
by i can't care
Summary: Clary has been abused by her father since she little. One night she attacks by a vampire, and Jace is there to save her. How will she react to the shadowhunter world, or anybody without fear? How will she react to people who actually care?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello guys! Um *awkward cough*turns out the first chapter to this story is the second chapter to my other story, Starve. I checked, though, to see if it was the right chapter so it makes no sense, but whatever. Here's the right 1****st**** chapter. Thanks, I'm really sorry. Review. Please don't get mad! **

Clary's pov

I stared up at the looming figure above me, trying to find the courage to scramble away. Instead I cowered against the brick wall of an ally, shamelessly hiding. My attacker laughed mercilessly as she took one step even closer. I was going to die.

I don't even know how unlucky I was to get in this situation. One minute I was walking back from the market, the next I was thrown into an ally by a huge man. But it was my entire fault. If only I had grabbed the milk earlier like Father had told me to before doing the rest of the chores. That probably would have been best. I also wouldn't have the huge bruises. Maybe if instead of waiting until the aisle was clear of all people before grabbing the milk, I would have been home.

The man bent down and grabbed my neck, pulling my back up against the wall using my neck. I almost whimpered out in pain, but restrained myself. No showing any weakness, Father always said.

My attacker smiled at me, pulling back his hood, revealing dark black hair and pale blue eyes. And a mouth filled with razor sharp teeth. I felt my eyes grow wide at was happening. I was going to get eaten by a vampire. I probably deserved it. I was such a waste of space, or air anyway. At least now someone can gain from my death.

I let myself release the wall and stretched up my neck.

"Finally realized what was going on?" a silky smooth voice behind purred. I opened my eyes to see the vampire leaning in.

"I didn't think you'd ever catch on," he muttered into my ear seductively before dropping his head and biting my neck.

At first I didn't feel pain. Just a small tear. Than the teeth prodded at the cut, leaving it more exposed and hurting. I cried out and whimpered involuntarily, but the vampire greedily continued and no one helped.

I felt my conscious start to slip away just before I could manage one last weak call for help. I almost slapped myself. This man was gaining from death, let it happen! Let myself finally be worth something. Yet for some odd reason I didn't want to die.

"Please," I shakily projected, "help." I waited a second, and then closed my eyes.

I felt my captor shake ever so slightly so slightly before he fell down; as though he couldn't carry his own weight. Through my barely open eyes I saw a halo of blond approach me, holding a bloody stick. I glanced down at my first attacker, and upon seeing the gaping bloody hole in his back, I gasped and tried to press against the wall.

The attacker took another step closer and I whimpered again, trying to make myself mold to the wall. I knew this showed weakness, but I beyond that. I was running off pure instinct. Somehow, my sill to live through the bruises and pain is strong enough to keep me wanting to live. Odd that I'm so selfish, being already a waste of space, wanting to live. I could already feel the beating from father as I explained this odd feeling.

Strange that I would feel it now, as I prepared to die.  
I tensed up as I felt the guy come closer.

"Hello? I'm sorry you had to see that I won't hurt you," a voice interrupted my readiness to die. I must admit, I was startled at the apology and comforting tone, but didn't let it show and did not allow myself to hope. Everyone was evil and wanted to hurt me in some way. This man was no different.

There was no way I was trusting this guy. Or any guy. All guys want to hurt me. I pressed myself close to the wall and peeked behind my knees.

I heard golden boy sigh and crouch down next to me. If possible, I tensed even more and continued to press into that wall, the wall opening cuts and poking bruises. But the boy's gentle hands slipped underneath my knee and arms, right where my bruises were. Of course, I had bruises everywhere. I cried out in pain and thrashed in his arms slightly before his one hand found a gentle spot on my neck.

This is it I'm going to die now, I thought as a slim hand pressed into the spot. But instead of dying, I just felt calm. Relaxed. For a mila-second. Than reality had to sweep in.

I didn't have the milk and I could tell I was not going home. Father would punish me as I well deserved. How could I be so weak and let this happen? But I could not find the strength to stop the boy carrying me as if I weighed as much as a feather. I whimpered as I imagined the sharp knives and cruel whip. The boy held me closer. Confusion swept over me. Why was he being so careful not killing me here and now?

Without realizing it, I turned into the boy's shoulder and sobbed into his mud-covered shirt. Why was I screwed up? Why did I feel anything? Why did I do everything wrong? The guy paused momentarily before clutching me closer, with his nose buried in my hair.

"I don't want to die!" I sobbed, "I don't know why, but I just don't! How could such a waste of space say that! I'm so selfish!" I mummer-sobbed into him.

Why did I trust this guy? I guess if I was going to die, I might as well admit and talk a bit. His gentle hands started stroking my back comfortingly as he carried me away. I didn't even comprehend what I was doing or where I was going.

"You're not a waste of space," the golden guy whispered to me and I stifled a cry. He didn't know what a screw up I was.

As we walked down the street, I noticed a few rainbow spots start to fill my eyes. I didn't say anything as I fell back into un-consciousness.

JPOV

_Dammit,_ I thought, _someone else in trouble? How could people be so reckless?_ The cool midnight air kissed my skin as I walked down main street, a gallon of milk in one hand and a stake in the other. Who knew what could attack you at this time.

Another plead rose goose bumps on my arm as I tried to ignore the screeches. You can't save everyone in trouble. Almost everyone at one point is getting fooled by a fairy or used by a warlock.

The shouts became more faint until I only heard one soft, tiny desperate beg. I could hear her life slipping away from the last call.

"Help," a small pause before an even fainter word came, "Please." I couldn't stand it anymore. I dropped the milk and sprinted in the direction of the voice. A small ally appeared, and I saw a vampire hunched over a small girl with fiery red hair. The girl's face was pale, and her limbs almost falling limp.

Being the hero I am, I rushed over and stabbed the creature in the back, forgetting about the girl. When I glanced down at her, she was cowered up against the wall, her eyes filled of fear. I took a step closer, trying to appear compassionate and friendly. A small whimper of hers filled my ears. The poor girl was petrified.

"Hello? I'm sorry you had to see that. I won't hurt you," I said, trying to sound as nice and understanding as possible. I waited momentarily as she pressed herself further into the wall, the fear in her eyes still apparent.

I sighed and crouched down next to her.

I saw her tense as I slipped a gentle hand beneath her knee and on under arms. Prepared for some weight, I lifted but sound her light as a feather. Under her shirt I felt each personal rib up against my back. When was the last time she ate?

Suddenly, she started to thrash in my arms, clearly trying to get out of my arms. While trying to avoid her weak movements, I guilt fully snaked one hand up around her neck, and found the spot. The spot to make her relax. Firmly but gently, I pressed down.

Her whole body calmed down, and I could see in her eyes she was relaxed. For a second. I watched fearfully as her eyes grew wide, terrified of imaginary things. She whimpered and cringed in my arms, and I could see she wanted to leave. But for some odd reason, I felt the need to protect her, with her strong green eyes and frizzy red hair.

I clutched her closer, as thought I could protect her from the visions she was imagining.

Abruptly she turned into my shirt and started to cry, her sobs shaking her tiny, fragile I saw them. The bruises. They were everywhere. I saw the makeup stream off with the tears, revealing her purple and black face. Down her collarbone, yellow and purple splotches were revealed. I wasn't going to check, but I could bet they went down her shirt and legs.

I felt her sob again. For a second I paused, as if I were scared to do anything. But I couldn't help it to stick my nose in her hair and hold her tighter against me. Her bones dug into my skin, but I couldn't find it in me to care.

"I don't want to die!" she sobbed to me, "I don't know why, but I just don't! how could such a waste of space say that! I'm so selfish!" she cried into my shirt and I stiffened in surprise. Waste of space? I couldn't say I knew her, yet, but just by the way she acted, she looked, anyone could tell she wasn't a waste.

"You're not a waste of space," I murmured gently into her hair. I heard her stifle a cry and knew she thought I was lying.

I continued to walk down the street, carrying the crying girl in my arms. Slowly, her breathing slowed and the tears stopped. Her face developed into the one of an angel with no cares. Right before I opened the gate to the institute, I kissed the top of her sleeping head.

"Welcome to the Institute," I said with a sigh before trudging to the porch stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello people! Yes I updated finally. Just I need to know people actually care about his story, so please review and I will update faster and more. Sorry, it's just the way I work. If I know people like it, I work on it more. Thanks. Please review! Thanks for reading! **

CPOV

I awake on something oddly soft. Why aren't I on my hard wood floor at home? I try to open my eyes, but a bright light starts stabbing at my eyes. I quickly closed them in attempt to hide from the painful light. But it follows me in my mind.

Where am I? Then it hits me almost as hard as the light had. Last night. The man with made of gold. Him carrying me somewhere. Me almost trusting him. How could I? Father would be disappointed, probably resulting in a quite a few extra kicks, if I was lucky.

Father! Oh god, the milk! How could I forget? This on top of almost trusting, I would be lucky to live.

Slowly, I try to open my eyes again, this time, bringing my sore arms up to cover my eyes, only allowing a little to filter through until I had adjusted.

Looking around, I see a long row of other white beds just like mine. The tall walls are white as well, and the tiled floor also gives a pale look. Where am I?

Suddenly, voices cut off my thoughts. I duck down and cower beneath the warm blankets pushed around my feet. I hope I look like I'm sleeping.

"Come Iz, don't be like that. I just had to save her! She sounded so desperate and lost of all hope. She looked so defenseless! Besides, now you have another girl here to dress like a doll!" I heard golden boy try to reason with someone else as they push through the white doors I remember lay at the corner of the room. Their harsh footsteps make their way to me.

"No! There is no way you can possibly explain this to the public! Imagine all the people who saw you! She must return home as soon as she wakes," a strict voice, clearly female, angrily ordered.

"Iz, no one saw us, I you had been listening you would know that. I put my glamor on and also covered her with it," the boy's voice explained, almost begging. I heard the footsteps near my bed until they were at the foot of the bed, making their way up to me. I cringed to myself.

"And she can't go home, Iz! When she cried, some of her make-up came off, showing-"

I heard a loud slap, and sudden pain erupted across my cheek.

"I know you're awake, you weak little girl! Don't try to hide from me!" the girl's voice shrillfully demanded. I didn't even flinch-her slap was weaker than some of fathers. Instead, with my eyes still closed, I push down the blanket and lay myself down, spreading out as Father always demands.

"Just get it over with," I whimper, and prepare to be hit, kicked, slapped, thrown across the room. But instead I'm greeted by silence.

After a few moments, I hear pushing and stumbling as someone rushes to where my head rests.

"Izzy! If you would've waited for a second more you would know not to do that! The tears washed off the make-up covering bruises. She was clearly abused at home! As I carried her here, she cried about wanting to live, and for that she was selfish, that she was such a waste of space! You have no idea what she must thing right now!" an angry voice explode at the girl. I tense and wait for my slap.

He knows. Father will kill me. Literally. And bury me, hiding all the evidence. I shouldn't have cried. I should've been stronger.

A hand gently cradles my cheek and I feel hot breath in my ear.

"Sweetie, we're not going to hurt you. I promise. Iz here just has harsh ways of getting what she wants. We won't hurt you," the boy's voice whispers lovingly into my ear. I know this trick. Trick me into trusting them so it will hurt even more when they hurt me. Father used that trick when I was younger. Now he's more straight forward.

"Please. Just do it. I won't fall for it," I whimper. I feel him freeze next to me before sitting on my bed.

I guess he wants to have what Father calls "Fun."

I wait a few moments for him to start to undress me, but instead he cradles me like he did last night, holding me in his lap.

"We aren't trying to trick you," his compassionate voice says, "At least open your eyes. I want to see their lovely color." Confused by the compliment, I open my eyes an wait to be hurt. Maybe he's trying to say he's going to stab my eyes out.

I see no knife when I open my eyes. Only a kind, scarred face hanging over me. His golden hair falls slightly off his forehead and I can see he has had time to clean up. Looking off a bit, I see the strong arms that hold me, bulging with muscle.

That kind of muscle can kill in a second.

I shrink myself in further. He frowns for a second, clearly displeased by my fear. My mind frantically thinks what to do. I fear him, but want him to think I don't.

I come up blank.

He looks over at his arm, and become understanding.

"I won't use my muscles against you, I promise. These are for protecting you, ok? I won't hurt you," he repeats in my ear. I feel myself shiver. His face transforms into a caring one.

"Are you cold, here's a blanket," he says, reaching behind himself and grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around me. I could sink in its warmth and fluffiness. I close my eyes in bliss. Never had I felt something so nice. I feel him looking at me, and I open my eyes, worried he will hit me.

"Can you tell your name?" he gently asks, and I release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Clary," I breath quietly. He smiles at me, beaming.

"Well, Clary, I'm Jace. And I will help you for whatever you need," he smiles, looking down lovingly. I giggle involuntarily, than wait for the hit. What if it wasn't supposed to be funny? He looks down at me with pity in his eyes, than leans down to whisper in my ear.

"You can giggle, Clary. You can express yourself however you want." I shudder again, and he smiles. Maybe he is trustworthy.

JPOV

It's clear she's scared of me. I can see that clear enough. She almost always looks scared, like I would hit her. I couldn't for my life.

I still can't over that Izzy did. She will pay. Painfully. The poor girl must have been scared enough.

I will make sure she feels comfortable if it's the last thing I do. She will trust me. I will change that look on her face.

I can't explain why I even care about her. Maybe it's her flaming red hair, or piercing green eyes. I don't know why, but I like her. A lot more than I should.

My first mission is to get her adapted to humans. Than the way of people. Than shadow hunters and their ways.

I can't imagine her facing off demons. I can't imagine her with confidence. But she will be. I vow it.


End file.
